Light and hearty observations from a fat and ugly guy. Home of hackneyed drivel and ersatz-existentialist effluence. Choleric biliousness a specialty, since 1958.

Time for another national profile: The English

More from the genius, P. J. O'Rourke, and the classic National Lampoon May 1976 edition, "Unwanted Foreigners".

Today's victim: the English.

Racial characteristics: Cold blooded queers with nasty complexions and terrible teeth who once conquered half the world but who still haven't figured out central heating. They warm their beers and chill their baths and boil all their, food, including bread. An intensely snobbish group, but who exactly they're snubbing remains an international mystery. Lately they've been getting their comeuppance world-power wise, as their shabby, antiquainted back alley of a little country slowly winds down like the ill crafted windup playthings their undersized children are so fond of. They all have large collections of something useless like lamp finials or toad eggs, and they would have lost both world wars if it wasn't for us. They like to be spanked with canes and that's exactly what they deserve.

Good points: It's relatively easy to make yourself understoodwith them.

Proper forms of address: Limey, lime eater, nancy boy, pom, poof

posted by Nigel St.John Regina Smegmatica Howle-Raines @ 10:51 AM